I needed that......

So today I meet up with a girl I met on my tech course 4 years ago. While we dont actually work together anymore we live failry close to each other and she has become an important friend to me.

Today I realised just how important. We talked about Lumpy, really talked. She didnt get uncomfortable or try to make me feel better, she listened and asked questions. I cant put into words how much that meant to me. She wants children, I think almost as much as me. Her and her fiance are going to ttc as soon as they are married so altho she hasnt experienced a m/c she is one of my only close friends at the same stage in her life as me and I think thats why altho she didnt know how I felt she wanted to talk about how I was feeling.

Aswell as this I spoke to my manager today and have arranged a date to go back to work and get back to my shifts and knowing what is going on I think has helped abit. I still dont want to go back but as far as that goes I have no choice. We have a mortgage to pay so I must work. Maybe my interest will return, im not sure right now.

I dare to think that maybe Im just having a good day and there is no reason for the improvement in how I feel. Then when I realise I havent felt that constant pain much today I feel guilty. Does this mean I no longer care that I had a miscarrige and that our baby died? Logically I know thats not what having good days mean but I dont want to forget one single thing about those 11 weeks I was pregnant.

Im just so bloody confused all the time. Everything confuses me and Im not sure what I should be feeling and when. I seem to question everything which is very tiring. Is this normal? I dont know if anyhting is ever gonna be normal, but is this normal for somone whos had a miscarrige, who knows!