Saturday, 17 November 2012

Six Months

My baby girl is 6 months old, 6 whole months!

I cannot believe I have had her in my life for that long, and at the same time I cannot believe it has only been six months.
It feels like she has always been here.
Like my left arm or my legs, and it is impossible to think I ever lived without her!

She is such an amazing little person and everyday she grows and changes.

At the moment she is suffering with a cold but still she cracks a smile and just gets on with it, she is such a little trooper.

In the last 2 weeks I have started with baby led weaning and that in itself is an adventure.
At the moment it is going great, she seems to like everything Ive put in front of her and alot of it gets eaten (alot of it also gets thrown on the floor but thats what dogs are for!)

I am loving all these new things I get to experience with her, the faces she pulls at each new taste, the way she kicks her legs when she really really likes something, she is just so cute!

I am really appreciating just how great my life is right now.
But I wish I wasnt as once again it is for a reason I wish didnt exist.

A friend at work had been trying for a baby since I first got pregnant with Lumpy almost 2 years ago.
Last week she told me she was pregnant and I was so excited and happy for her! She so deserved it!

Yesterday I learnt that she had suffered an early miscarriage and my heart sank.
Life is really fucking unfair sometimes and I hate how cruel it can be.

All those familiar feelings briefly flooded back as I remembered how it felt to be in her shoes.
How it felt to physically ache because I wasnt going to be a mummy anymore.
How it felt to look at other pregnant women and women with babies and hate them.
How it felt to be empty and incomplete.

Because although I still wear those shoes, I dont feel their pain anymore.
Isla is my plaster that protects me from the pain of the blister that those shoes have caused me.

Because of Isla I am a Mummy
Because of Isla I smile when I see a pregnant women or a women with a baby.
Because of Isla I am complete and my life is full.

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